Daily Archives: April 12, 2013

Failure, not such a bad thing afterall!

Failure is such a negative word that it seems strange to suggest that it can be a good thing.  How many times have you looked back on your life, thought of mistakes you’ve made, and kicked yourself over them? I know I sure have. I have had many failures in my life. I have lost a job; I have mismanaged my money; and I have had trouble in relationships. But life goes on as it should.

Many people allow failure to hold them back (thanks to society), when in reality failure can be a good thing!

Fear of failure prevents many people from following their dreams or having a go at something new. Fear of failing is failure in itself because it holds back so many would-be success stories.

Failure is actually on our side. Failing allows us to grow, learn, and find new opportunities. Examples I have learned:

Failure means you have courage

Even though you didn’t get the results you wanted, at least you were trying to do something. So many people let the fear of failure prevent them from reaching for their dreams. So don’t be worried about a failure – at least you had the courage to have a go. Courage is not the absence of fear; it is feeling the fear and taking action anyway. When you have a go, despite the possibility of failure, you show that you have great courage.

Failure makes you stronger

When you don’t get the result you want, you can become more determined to succeed. At first you probably feel discouraged, frustrated or upset but these feelings don’t last forever. You then get a burst of determination and strength of purpose to try again. Failure makes you more focused on a successful outcome next time.

Failure helps you learn

It was Thomas Edison who said that he hadn’t failed in his hundreds of attempts to create the light bulb. His answer when questioned about his ‘failures’ was that he hadn’t failed, he had just found hundreds of ways that it didn’t work. This is the mentality of geniuses and successful people. Failure to get the results you wanted is not a negative thing; it is simply an opportunity to try a different method. It is also the opportunity to start again.

Failure helps you grow

When your efforts don’t work out, you have to reach deep inside to find the strength to try again, which is much easier said than done….trust me….been there done that. Let your pride go!.

To solve the problem and make sure you get the desired result, you need to extend yourself and so you grow. You need to stretch and possibly move outside your comfort zone.

After experiencing failure, you will never be the same as you were before you tried. You don’t know how far you can go until you have tried and failed.

Failure creates new opportunities

Many people believe that everything happens for a reason, we just don’t know what it is at the time. Do not look at it as though “it is what it is”, that is not the case. It is what you make of it, but before you can succeed, you must first fail.

Failures often brings unforeseen opportunities that would not have been available without the failure in the first place. You often need to close one door so that another door of opportunity can be opened for you. Failure is a way of one door closing. Failure is seldom the end; it is often a bright beginning.

Failure provides answers

If you don’t try and fail, you will never know if your idea or method is going to work. You spend time worrying that you don’t have the answer; you wonder whether it would have worked. The pain of regret is far worse than the pain of failure. When you fail, you can start again; with regret, you will never know.

This is also much easier said than done. We are all raised differently, but the one thing we all have in common is that our loving parents never wanted us to experience pain or failure. They want us to learn from their mistakes and to never have to suffer. Let me be the first to tell you (if you have not already experienced it for yourself)….does not happen and will not happen.

Every single person must fall before they can rise and learn from a lesson or a mistake.

Do not grow your life in “fear” and be “paranoid”. That in itself is self sabotage. You cannot blame that on anyone but YOU. Be open-minded, be vigilant, be courageous, be cautious, be humble, be loving and most importantly, be thankful.

Failure gives you the best chance of success

An article I once read stated that research out of Stanford University has shown that those who are the top of their field are the ones who have failed the most. Having to persevere to learn a new skill gives you the advantage over someone who gets it right first time. Learning many ways how not to do it gives you the edge over the person who hasn’t have that experience.

Don’t view failure as bad luck, instead look at each attempt to reach your goals as a triumph. There’s always something to learn, ways to grow, different viewpoints to see, and new opportunities waiting just around the corner. So get in and have a go. Fail fast and recover quickly to try again. Use every failure as an opportunity to learn and to grow as a person. Remember that every failure is like one step on the stairway to success. Above all else, remember this: If you never fail, you will never succeed.

Choosing Not to be a Target – Emotionally

It is important to remember that if you are being attacked emotionally, it is more than likely not about you at all.

Hurtful confrontations often leave us feeling drained and confused. When someone attacks us emotionally, we may wonder what we did to rouse their anger, and we take their actions personally. We may ask ourselves what we could have done to compel them to behave or speak that way toward us. It’s important to remember that there are no real targets in an emotional attack and that it is usually a way for the attacker to redirect their uncomfortable feelings away from themselves.

When people are overcome by strong emotions, like hurt or anguish, they may see themselves as victims and lash out at others as a means of protection or to make themselves feel better. You may be able to shield yourself from an emotional attack by not taking the behavior personally. First, however, it is good to cultivate a state of detachment that can provide you with some protection from the person who is attacking you. This will allow you to feel compassion for this person and remember that their behavior isn’t as much about you as it is about their need to vent their emotions.

If you have difficulty remaining unaffected by someone’s behavior, take a moment to breathe deeply and remind yourself that you didn’t do anything wrong, and you aren’t responsible for people’s feelings.

If you can see that this person is indirectly expressing a need to you—whether they are reaching out for help or wanting to be heard—you may be able to diffuse the attack by getting them to talk about what is really bothering them.

You cannot control other people’s emotions, but you can control your own. If you sense yourself responding to their negativity, try not to let yourself. Keep your heart open to them, and they may let go of their defensiveness and yield to your compassion and openness.