I believe it is a trait of women to be givers. But being a giver has a downside. You end up being bitter, wondering, “Where’s the giving to me?”
After years of giving, and giving and…giving, I wondered where and when the receiving part would start.
One day, I needed a favor from my husband. He didn’t exactly jump to it. Annoyed that I was not as a priority as I though, I reminded him of all I did for him. He asked me, “Did I ever ask you for any of those things?”
He never had. I’d done them all on my own self-righteous hook. I did it because I wanted to. I felt bad that he was in the position that he was and assumed it was my responsibility as a wife to help him out and give to him.
As I reacted in a defensive manner towards him, he responded to me as “why are you mad at me, you made the decision to do something, don’t expect it in return”.
I thought about this when I had some alone time and realized that my behavior was in reaction to what I had seen growing up. Always doing something to get something in return. Knowing that this is not normal or acceptable behavior…I still did it. Then the realization kicked in. If you wish to grow yourself, whether it is monetarily or emotionally, find a solid balance between the giving and the taking.
Know what you deserve to be paid for, whether that is in your job or your emotional/spiritual life.
Whatever you are doing, do it gladly, without thinking that you are owed extra for the doing.
And…if you cannot give the little bit ‘extra’ gladly, don’t give it.
I’m grateful every day for that moment of hurt, that very simple and yet large epiphany.